What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
