I got her a Nickelback box set.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
