I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
