I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
