I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
