I hope mine doesn't look like that
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
