Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
