I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
