Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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