Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
