Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
