Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
