Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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