I met the friendliest cop last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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