She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
