Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
