I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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