last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I deserve this hangover.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
