I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
