everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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