who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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