I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
