You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
