my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
