Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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