sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
