i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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