i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dont even know how to be here
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
