I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
