someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
