my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
