Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
