I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
