I cockslap morals
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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