Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
