Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
