Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
