I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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