i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
