So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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