Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
