rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
