Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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