I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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