speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
