I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
