She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
