tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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