Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
