I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my liver is dry heaving
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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