nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
