am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
