I am spending my child support on dildos
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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